Ok she’s one of my best friends but sometimes I just need to tell somebody!
She don’t eat meat.
She will eat fish but not fried
She don’t eat fried foods at all cause there not healthy.
But she don’t eat vegetables except for cucumbers but only recently.
She don’t drink water.
She don’t eat chocolate.
She don’t eat corn.
She will drink milk but only fat free and not organic.
She will eat cheese but only fat free.
That rules out lasagna, pizza or anything Italian.
She don’t eat Chinese food.
She will eat rice, potatoes or pasta but no gravy.
Of course she can’t eat it just like that so she smothers it with ketchup.
She does not drink alcohol……well except for that one time ay.
And this is before she went on a diet.
All this because she thinks she’s too FAT
She has eliminated these things from her life.
How much does she weigh? She is 5 “9 and under 140lbs.
She can work being fat into any conversation.
“Do you support the war in Iraq?”
“Of course not, I’m FAT!”
She asks people if they think she’s fat.
If you are so bold as to say no, you better come up with a darn good reason why?
She hates Perfume.
She hates Flowers.
She refuses to go on a date if its in a restaurant because “restaurants serve too much food.”
If by some freakish occurrence I wake up one day as a man, remind me never to ever ask her out.
She wears her earrings the opposite direction so what you see is actually the stopper.
She hates parties and if she does go….she will not dance.
Today she’s like….I feel like splurging
I’m gonna do it
I’m gonna splurge!
She gets up…..goes to the counter
Turns and thanks God.
Whatever she wanted to splurge on was not there.
What was it you may ask?
A cookie……a brownie…….cake?
No.
A WHEAT CRACKER!!!!!!!!!!!
I give up.
